Your sanguine naïveté is enviable.

If my partner could check my location at any time, how would I keep bday and anniversary gifts secret? The places where I go to buy things for her are not places I would normally go. She only has to randomly check one time when I'm at an unusual location for her to ask why and then I have to lie. Not worth it.

We use temporary sharing (can limit to one hour) when meeting somewhere. Beyond that, it's a potential liability.

Example: she once got upset that I wanted to go to the mail room (apt building) alone and didn't want her to go with me. She wanted to know what I was hiding. Turned out to be her bday gift and it was just in the commercial packaging with a shipping label. I let her go get it and she's never been suspicious of my motives since (this was at the very start of our relationship and we hadn't established the level of trust that we have now).

Anyway, again, the one-hour sharing is all we need.

I'm 40 and have done this with partners.

But also, they and I have an open relationship. If they found me in the bed of another, the reaction would an excited inquiry of if I had fun.

Seems like the underlying tension is wether being surveiled at all is inherently a violation.

If it is, then your partner doing it might feel like a lack of trust.

for my benefit
Its not a benefit if you don't like being tracked

If not, then it's just a practical tool, might as well use the data if it's getting captured anyway.

Yes we're teenagers. We've been married 15 years, ceremony was when we were three.

Privacy is important, have you never kept a diary? Do you film therapy sessions lest your partner not know what you discussed? Shit with the door open? You don't need justification for wanting privacy, you need privacy so when you have a good reason for it nothing looks different.

What if there’s an emergency?

What if there is? Get help, that's an insane fear to live with. If I am unconscious there's nothing to do anyway, the hospital or whatever will find her details in my purse and call. What the fuck am I going to do, sit there watching the dot on the map and calling 000 if it stops moving? You are a lunatic, we have society to take care of us while we're out and about and emergency beacons if you're like camping beyond the black stump or sailing the Pacific.

surveiled

surveillance implies active, constant, and surreptitious… i would not classify mutual location sharing as any of that: it’s passive, occasional, and well-known and consented to by both parties

Obviously we have wills lmao

I understand now that you didn’t mean that it was a breach of trust and privacy literally, obviously they’ve both opted in, but you used that to express your own preference.

well, it depends. I still think they are breaching their own privacy, but they just don't care.

I think you didn't read my comment

you are sharing your location with a greedy company [...] and then the highest bidder access this information

Pretty sure I read it.

You can do location sharing WITHOUT interacting with any "greedy company" or "highest bidder".

Then you state...

if you run nextcloud and that addon I don’t remember, or reitti, at home and use that, and you keep is somewhat safe*

and I confirm that you can do it in Nextcloud, and ALSO Home Assistant... as Home assistant is also likely to be something people are running.

I think you didn’t read my comment

I think that you think that everyone who ever comments to your post is always arguing against you.

Edit: missed a couple of words.

Privacy generally means the ability to control your personal information and how it's used, as well as your freedom from intrusion and observation.

If you knowingly opt in it’s not really a breach of privacy. They’re choosing to allow a 3rd party access to that information which doesn’t fit with your preferences but it’s not really a breach of privacy or trust.

I'd rather not disclose my age on this account, but, let's just say we're not newly married.

I will admit my statement about location sharing only being a problem if you've already got problems was a bit too binary. The issue is more nuanced.

I see you're focusing on the cheating aspect, which to your credit is what the OP is all about. But from our perspective, that's not even an issue or a use case for the technology. We have full trust in each other. The technology is simply useful for other reasons.

Did she make it to work in the snowstorm or rainstorm?

Huh she's usually home by now, is she unconscious in a ditch or just stopped at the store?

Dinner is almost ready, I just need to put this in the oven so it's ready to come out the second she walks in the door, let me make sure she's actually on her way home. Oh, she must have gotten held up at work, I'll wait a few more minutes.

Stuff like that. Yeah there's other ways of solving those problems, and that's fine too, we just prefer the convenience.

We don't share locations because we don't trust each other, we share because it's convenient. I guess you could say we trust each other not to go crazy with it ‍️

We have married friends who won't share with each other, and that's fine too.

I'll retract my earlier statement. Location sharing is a sensitive subject, with lots of facets. Sharing or not is a personal choice. And while there can be practical benefits, I think most people would agree that using it for cheating prevention is.... Unhealthy.

Well, I need a reverse proxy or VPN or something so that the phones can connect to my Home Assistant server from outside the LAN. That's the main thing I haven't gotten done yet.

One of the ways I knew my marriage was over, he disabled location services and left them off for months and then years. I followed when I started fucking other people.

My partner and I used to use location sharing pretty much 100% of the time. We just felt better knowing we could find each other.

But today, we do not, because the trust is shattered.

Google just cannot be trusted with our locations.

If you're doing this through Google or whichever company is facilitating, then I would say that's the party doing all of the things listed.

But yes, I presented it in the context of just the two parties, so your point is still valid

There are options that don't use Google et al.

they still have it... if your using an android phone at least... and your cell provider...

You are still sharing it with google if you have an android phone lol

ah. tailscale is great for that. I personally just leave my home assistant exposed behind a reverse proxy